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Oh -- NOW it's OK to bash the 49ers? |
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Oh -- NOW it's OK to bash the 49ers? |
I've never exactly been a fan of the San Francisco 49ers. They irritated me by popularizing the Wuss Coast Offense, which turned pro football into flag football. They bugged me with their constant getting of bad calls and lucky bounces -- and having the nerve to whine to the league whenever a rare call went against them. But what really grated my cheese was the way they always flaunted their self-proclaimed "classiest team in football" rep, pure garbage the dumb sports media swallowed and then regurgitated endlessly.
I didn't like them then. And I still don't like them now.
So you'd think I'd be overjoyed now that everyone's piling on the sad-sack 49ers for their latest embarrassment -- the now-infamous "how to deal with the San Francisco media" videotape.
Actually, I couldn't want to vomit more.
Case in point: Sacramento Bee columnist Mark Kreidler's "Problems in San Francisco Start with York" piece, which appeared on ESPN.com. In it he blasts John York, the team's still-fairly-new owner for creating "the atmosphere" that supposedly allowed for such a horrible, insulting piece of video to be produced.
All I can say is -- NOW we're going to criticize a 49er owner for the "atmosphere" of bad behavior he creates? And compare the kind of hijinks that have gone on with 49er regimes past with a ... videotape?
To be sure, this cheesy-looking hack job does nobody any good. But let's look at what York has done, then compare him with his supposedly "classy" predecessors.
Basically, York's accused in the article of a) presiding over a team that's now the NFL's worst, supposedly having run it into the ground, and b) hiring a publicist who produced a video that showed half-naked women, and made a few queer jokes.
Well then -- let's put this bad, bad deed in perspective, starting with the men who came before York. Here are just some of the "classy" highlights that made the 49ers the "classiest" team in all of football:
Eddie DeBartolo, former owner: Besides having to leave football for getting nailed trying to bribe his way into a casino deal, Eddie once settled out of court with a Bay Area waitress who accused him of sexual assault. Eddie's also been known to brawl with fans, particularly in Green Bay.
Carmen Policy, former team counsel: Think videos of topless strippers are bad? How about doing what Carm did -- attending a notorious party thrown by Jack Davis, a known S&M king who just happened to be handling the team's effort to finance its new stadium. Among the party's highlights: a real-life priest from the Church of Satan having a pentagram carved into his skin as well having a whiskey bottle shoved up his behind -- much to the delight of the crowd.
The Cowboys may have been America's Team, but that's nothing compared to the 49ers, who went on to become known as "Satan's Team." All Hail His Majestic and All-Powerful Lord of Hell! Now we know how the 49ers got that almost guaranteed home field, playing in that cake division, each and every year.
Bill Walsh, former Head Coach: First he criticized the Rams for drafting "criminal" running back Lawrence Phillips -- then eagerly recruited him a few years later to replace the injured Garrison Hearst. Phillips was later let go by the 49ers, but went on to make Maxim.com's "Sports Felons Hall of Fame."
Walsh also made headlines once by picking a fight, then getting punched out in a casino (what is it with gambling and this team?).
So there we have it: the "classy" tradition York inherited -- criminals, perverts and punch-drunk hypocrites. Never mind that the team recruited a known wife-beater; back then, there was no such thing as "fostering intolerance" or "degrading women" as far as the sports media were concerned. No matter what the 49ers did, they did with "class."
Why the media double-standard, you ask?
Back then the 49ers were winning Super Bowls by the bunch -- the league couldn't have its poster-boy franchise looking all nasty. That's where the sports media came in -- why, there was so much 49er rump-kissing going on then, it was a wonder the team could even sit down.
Back then you couldn't watch a game involving the 49ers without hearing the words "classiest team in football," as if serving your team prime steaks on the plane could cover up for all the illegal and immoral activities. And all these investigative reporters who've suddenly crawled out of the woodwork -- it's as if they just didn't exist back then.
Instead, the league focused on showcasing squeaky-clean 49ers like Steve Young and Jerry Rice. Never mind that Rice was discovered in a massage parlor once during a police raid -- the media swept the news aside like old cigarette butts.
But now? The team stinks, and no longer serves its marketing purpose. Plus, our former heroes are all gone. So time to make like a bunch of kids playing backyard ball, and -- pile on!
From all over the media comes the outcry -- oh how awful! How wrong! Look what York's done to the team!
Uh, not exactly, guys -- and as for the poor record -- that's little more than the piper being paid for all the cap-cheating and back-loading the 49ers did with their players' contracts. Policy himself once said he didn't care about the future, or whomever would inherit the team tomorrow -- the mandate was to win today.
Want more hypocrisy? The media are now dragging out the story of team trainer Lindsy McLean -- who happens to be gay -- and all the cruel treatment he's received in the 49ers' out-of-control locker room. Trouble is, as an accompanying espn.com article reveals, this harassment has been going on since the early 1980s.
Gee, guys, what took you so long to get around to your moral outrage?
By the way, here's how Kreidler handles the circumstances involving DeBartolo's departure: "Super Bowl rings and all, Eddie couldn't keep himself out of trouble and eventually was forced to sell his controlling ownership to his sister and her husband. And at that point, either roughly or precisely, the real slide began."
See? No big deal, what Eddie did. He just had a little, uh, trouble, and look -- he was "forced" out. See -- the misunderstood old owner was in fact a victim! By the way, the "real slide" happened about the time the 49ers were getting busted for contractual wrongdoing, and paying the price both in dollars and personnel -- which happened on Policy's watch, not York's.
How's this for a story-angle suggestion, particularly as "Deep Throat" is now making all the headlines. Just who was this mysterious figure that turned in the video that betrayed 49er management -- some great man of conscience? Or maybe someone who had an axe to grind with York? Like say, maybe an ex owner or general manager?
Yes, it's finally safe to bash the 49ers in public. So go on, guys, pile on and enjoy!
Unfortunately for York, he'll now have to do what the article says and "own up" -- ironically, for a situation handed to him by his teflon-coated predecessors. I can just hear all the idiots now: "this never would've happened during the glory days!"
And you can thank guys like Mark Kreidler for that.
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created: June 10, 2005
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