Reflections from So-Cal

Threat to move to Los Angeles had this Southern California resident reminding us that he for one doesn't want the 49ers:

The biggest rumor surrounding the 49ers in the off season hasn't been who they will sign, cut, cut then resign, etc. Instead, it has been the stories surrounding their battle for a new stadium, with the latest card played being that the Niners will pack their bags and move to that vast football wasteland that is the Greater Los Angeles Area. One quote that recently appeared in the Los Angeles papers had a Bay Area politician saying "Los Angeles 49ers? That just doesn't sound right!"

Now, before I go any further, I implore any and all lurking Niner fans who are secretly reading this page to please put down their latte before reading any further. I'll wait for a moment....

...Jim Druckenmiller? snicker, snicker, snicker....

O.K.? Latte down? All right. Ladies and gentlemen, the fact is that as a representative of the greater Southern California area, I feel qualified to say that WE DON'T WANT THE 49ERS HERE!

Now, let me wait another moment for those readers who didn't listen to me and just spilled their latte all over the keyboards when they screamed in shock and bitter disbelief upon reading the preceding paragraph...

...Joe Montana applying for disability benefits? Pathetic...

I know what you are thinking. This is the Niner haters page, so of course this is an anti-49ers piece. And you are right, to a point. But it is not the only point. Lets look at the bigger picture.

* This is obviously a power-play by the Policys and DeBartalos, who are merely trying to resurrect their new stadium proposal after seeing it nearly destroyed in the just one evening of sadomasochistic debauchery. (More info on the party in question can be found elsewhere on these pages.)

* Currently, with no teams down here in the LA area, we get our choice of games on television, sometimes four or five a day. Those people who live where two network areas overlap sometimes can get even more. We never have to worry about whether the games being played locally have been sold out and if the game we want to see will be blacked out.

* If we want to see NFL games in person, we can drive to San Diego (about 1 1/2 hours), or fly to the Bay Area. Those who want to see a pro game can easily get to one.

*The UCLA Bruins, USC Trojans (a tremendous professional-collegiate team) and San Diego State all offer entertaining football at local venues at a fraction of the cost of a professional ticket.

* Wearing red in south-central LA (home of the Coliseum) is not the safest fashion choice.

* The whining from the Bay Area and subsequent influx of sad NoCals every Sunday lamenting the loss of their team would make life down here even more unlivable.

* Fans of the West Coast Offense can head out and check out the Anaheim Piranhas, the local arena football team. Sure, it isn't the NFL, but it isn't all that bad either.

* LA fans are sick and tired of getting other cities castoffs. The Rams came from Cleveland. The Raiders from Oakland. The Chargers left LA to go to San Diego. We don't want someone else's team. We don't want Seattle, Indy, Baltimore, Houston, etc. The LA fans will only rally around a team that they have a reason to support, and a new expansion team is one of the only things that will do that.

* We already take your water. We'd hate to take your team too.

* Finally, the 49ers, being the classy organization that they are, would no doubt pack up and move back to the Bay Area after a few years. Their reasoning would be that they never should have left the great Niner fans up north. The truth would be that the LA fans know a fraud when they see one (see the LA Rams and LA Raiders) and wouldn't spend a dime to see the 49ers at the Coliseum. (And forget about the Rose Bowl. The Pasadena City Council would never let a pro team play eight games a season at their beloved stadium. Plus a crowd of 40,000 in the 100,000 seat Rose Bowl is less than impressive on TV.)

So lets be realistic - the Niners aren't coming here. God knows that the majority of people down here don't want them here. But just to be safe, let me end this with the following plea:

Mr. Policy, Mr. Debartalo, please keep your team in the Bay Area. Raise the ticket prices. The fans will keep coming. Keep forcing fans to come out to 3-Candlestick-Com. They'll keep coming. Tell them that Jim Druckenmiller is the next Joe-Steve-Steve-Elvis when he is really more likely the next Rusty Hilger. They'll keep coming. Run out the San Jose State football team disguised as the NFC West every Sunday. They'll keep coming. But please, do not come down here. We won't be coming.

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