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August 1, 2000 (NHS) -- It was supposed to be a weekend of joy, tears and fond remembrances for the media and 49er fans, and a terrible time for 49er haters. Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott, heroes to ignorant people everywhere, got their nod into the Hall of Fame, and the media was bent on making it an orgasmic event. The NFL, of course, didn't miss the opportunity to comply and cash-in on some smooching of their little gem of a team -- for example, they invited all living Hall of Fame members to attend (coincidentally, the first time this was ever done).
However, the NFL and the media made two huge mistakes. First, in their excitement to extend "49er Weekend" through the season debut of Monday Night Football and bask in Al Michaels' corresponding 49er-fellatio, they stupidly scheduled the 49ers as the home team in the Hall of Fame Game. This turned out to be a painful reminder of reality and a screeching halt to the nostalgia. Second, they scheduled the release of an "All-Time NFL Team" as voted by 36 of the invited Hall of Famers. To the media's fury, Montana failed to make the list, turning the weekend into a wonderful start to the new season after all for 49er-Haters.
First, the actual nominations. Montana was a lock for the Hall. Despite his prepubescent arm strength and other frailties, fact is he was the starting QB on four championship teams. Even if the actual value of those championships will always be debatable, and even if his role versus the role of the cheesy, gimmick Niner offense will always be questioned, by default, that "starting QB for four Super Bowls" label earns a place in the Hall. This doesn't change the fact that he is overrated, it's just a reality we have to accept.
Lott, of course, is a different story. He is a total pretender, and there are no guts to his claim to the Hall. Sure, like Joe, he was on four Super Bowl teams, but as we see with guys like Lynn Swann, other than the QB, being a member of the teams is not dispositive of a Hall berth. The argument is that Lott was more than just a team member, he was the leader of the defense. But do we have to remind you that he was the leader of a very mediocre defense (despite the artificially inflated rankings), of which the 49er system won in spite of most of the time (so what does that say about his leadership)? Lott's nomination came down to one thing: media hype. "He hit hard" -- a media opinion (by the way, Gary Fencik and Kenny Easley were better hitters in his day, and John Lynch would shame Lott today). "He was an All Pro at 3 different positions" -- voted by the media, of course. "He had a lot of interceptions" -- hmm, don't really see his name in the record book next to Paul Krause's record 81 career INTs, and in the 1980s, it was Everson Walls who led the NFL in picks 3 different seasons. "He couldn't cover worth a lick" -- whoops, that's not a media opinion, that's reality.
Now to the show. Many NHS members, including this author, extended their annual offseason hibernation past the festivities as a form of boycott of the 49er love-fest, so you will have to excuse the lack of painstaking detail in this report. But piecing together the feedback based mostly on our lovable media's reviews of the party (see ESPN.com NFL managing editor Joe Lago's disgusting "unbiased journalism"), the weekend had everything a Whiner fan/reporter would want to cry wistfully over. Their heroes were called "best ever" over and over, and, undoubtedly, the crook Eddie D., there to present Montana, crooned about how his Niners were the pinnacle of class (led by his felonious example, of course). Meanwhile, Al Davis got booed (don't ask a 49er fan the difference between Al Davis and a bribing, gambling convict like DeBartolo, just go with it, like the media does).
Then, just as almost all were spent after shooting their wads all weekend, Monday Night Football arrived, with the big debut of Dennis Miller, and the beloved 49ers getting their lone opportunity to shine in the Al Michaels' spotlight this season -- an irresistible event to the fickle "49er faithful", who yearned for a perfect spectacle to culminate the Hall of Fame celebration.
Oh, it turned out perfect all right. Perfectly pathetic, as the 49ers were whitewashed 20-0 by New England in a horrid performance true to the expansion team-like nature of the 49er roster. The Niner fans grumbled, "It's only preseason," as they shut off their sets. But truth is, for many "49er faithful", that will be the last time they watch the 49ers this season. So who cares? The Niner fans, of course, could always fall back on the comfort of knowing that guys like Joe were and always will be "the best ever".
Well, unfortunately for them, another slap in the face was waiting. On Tuesday, the Hall of Fame committee released their All-Time NFL Team and -- sakes alive! -- some no-name called Johnny Unitas was voted as the NFL's greatest quarterback instead of everyone's supposed consensus, Joe Montana! The voting sent the Associated Press whining in papers across the nation, "Joe Montana may have been hailed as the NFL's greatest quarterback when inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But he gives way to John Unitas on the NFL's All-Time team." A blubbering John Madden took to the radio airwaves, infuriated that all his lobbying for his favorite Joe was for naught. In short, 49er fans everywhere were denied even the solace of the past to hide from their revolting present.
And with that -- and a lot of smiling 49er-Haters -- the NFL begins its journey into the 21st century. Enjoy the season!
July 25, 2000 (NHS) -- After much hemming and hawing about a new contract, The Almighty (given name: Jerry Rice) will be in a 49er uniform for at least one more year after inking a re-worked deal with the team. For Niner fans and haters alike, this comes as good news.
The fans will get to see their beloved star slug through what will probably be a 50-catch, four-touchdown season, but they'll cheer hard nonetheless, because such mediocrity will qualify as a highlight for this rancid team. Of course, even if Rice doesn't match those totals, Niner fans will still get their jollies even by just seeing the familiar Number 80 out on the field, allowing them to reminisce about how good Jerry used to be, while simultaneously letting them cling to the notion that they still have a Best Ever player on the team.
More importantly, for Niner haters, Rice's re-signing will give us the chance to watch him limp into retirement on a completely talentless squad. Rice no longer has the ability to beat any decent defensive back down the field, so even if Jeff Garcia improves into the "top ten" quarterback as Bill Walsh predicts he will, Rice figures to be no more than a bit player in the circus. Not only that, but another year of Rice means another year of Mr. Best Ever further tarnishing his image with massage parlor visits, screaming obscenities at elderly reporters, and his silly complaints of not getting the ball enough.
As if that wasn't enough, the Niners will end up taking a bigger cap hit down the road after re-working his contract. Had the team just cut Rice loose, it would have taken a financial hit now, but it would have been in much better position down the line as it tries to rebuild (hey, whatever happened to "reload"?). Moves like this one, however, undermine the rebuilding effort and bring smiles to our faces, as we watch Bill Walsh -- who claimed that he wouldn't mortgage the future like his predecessors -- make big signings like this that will deprive the team of much-needed cap cash in upcoming years.
The ultimate satisfaction comes, however, from asking the question that none of the fans nor media have dared to ask: "Why bother?" Indeed, what made Rice want to return to the Niners for another year? His favorite QB, Steve Young (or was it Joe? Ah, what's the difference?) decided to hang them up, so he's not returning for the pleasure of catching passes from the highest-rated passer in history. The team itself is coming off a 4-12 season and has little hope of crawling far above the cellar even in the miserable NFC West, so obviously he's not coming back for a run at another ring. And he had to take a pay cut to return, and when you add in the incredible amounts of money he's already made in his career, he can't be doing it for the cash.
So what does that leave? How about his precious records? Rice must understand that, with talented youngsters like Randy Moss coming into the league and scorching defensive backs for mega-yardage and touchdowns, his records won't be around forever. Obviously, each year that Rice can cling to the roster so that he can catch a few meaningless slants and add to his records will make those numbers harder for truly worthy receivers to match. However, if Moss can play 14 full seasons (as Rice has done) at the pace he's already set -- without any improvement -- he'll smash Rice's records for yardage and touchdowns. Somewhere, Jerry must be quaking that his "legacy" could be diminished, and that's why he's coming back -- for one last-gasp, vain attempt at making his records "unbreakable".
As the rest of us know, though, records are made to be broken. Maybe this painful realization will make itself clear to Jerry as he embarrasses himself this year, but for the rest of us, it should provide a lot of satisfaction -- and it should clear up any remaining questions as to whether or not Jerry is a "team" player.
We'll leave you with a quote from Isaac Bruce on the future: "I don't want to be in (the NFL) too long, where my skills diminish so much that I embarrass myself. Embarrass myself and this game."
The future is now, Jerry. Once your records are gone, you won't be remembered, because there are more talented people with a greater respect for the game.
July 25, 2000 (NHS) -- One would think that, after bungling Joe Montana's departure, the Niners would have treated the Steve Young retirement situation with a little more care, but apparently that was too much to expect from the franchise formerly known as "classy".
To recap: after getting his synapses detached from repeated smackings by eager defensive linemen last year, Young sat out most of the season, either trying to get healthy, because he was afraid, or both. That started the whole "will he or won't he?" festival regarding Young's possible retirement. But as the aging noodle-arm allegedly visited eight hundred different neurologists, the question of retirement seemed ridiculous.
The season wore on, however, and the Niners revealed their true colors, spiraling down to the depths of the NFL. As the offseason began and it became apparent that the team didn't have any resources to improve its current lot, Young must have started leaning towards hanging it up. Unlike Jerry Rice, Young probably figured out that with or without him, the team wasn't going anywhere, and it just wasn't worth lining up at QB behind the likes of Chris Dalman, Derrick Deese, Harpo, Chico and Groucho, or whomever else staffs the Niner offensive line these days.
Which takes us to the weeks leading up to the retirement announcement. Instead of making a decision and going with it, Young dragged out the whole issue for months, keeping the Niners in the headlines and fueling speculation that he would return to the team, despite the clear signals coming from the Niners themselves that they would rather see Young in civvies for the rest of his life.
There were, of course, other options as well. Denver, desperate for a QB -- desperate enough apparently to be interested in a 40-year old eggshell -- and led by Niner-loving Mike Shanahan, made noises about wanting to get Young. This sent Bill Walsh off the handle, as he claimed that the NFL was investigating the Broncos for tampering with Young. As it turns out, the NFL was doing no such thing, and Walsh was forced to admit that the league wasn't investigating, but, uh, well, the Broncos shouldn't be talking about Steve anyway, those bastards!
With his foot firmly in his mouth, Walsh proceeded to jam it further down his windpipe the week before Young actually finally retired. After a supposedly clandestine meeting between Young and Shanahan at a hotel near the Denver airport, Walsh immediately told the media that it was likely Young was gone and would be playing in the Mile High City in 2000. The news outlets ran with it: "Walsh Says Young Will be a Bronco".
Except it wasn't true.
Turns out that Steve had basically decided to retire, and just wanted to get Shanahan's advice on the situation. A similar call to Seattle coach Mike Holmgren was made for the same reason -- not to negotiate a contract with the Seahawks, but rather to hear one more guiding voice telling Young what he needed to hear: that it was time to call it quits.
Incensed about Walsh's misinformation, Young returned to San Francisco and gave the old man a solid bitching-out. I'm not going to Denver, he said, I'm gonna retire. And thus, instead of making the announcement with class and decency, the Niners had to announce Young's retirement as a reaction to their own previous misinformation -- another typical ride off into the sunset for a Niner legend (see: Montana on the tarmac, big footprint on Ronnie Lott's ass, etc.).
As if to say "Sorry about that whole mess, Steve," the team threw in a one-million-dollar bonus payment to Young as they shoved him out the door -- supposed proof that the team is still "classy". A grand retirement conference was held in the Niner locker room, tears were shed, Brent Jones got to stick his ugly mug back in the limelight for a day, and with that, the Young era was over, handled, as usual, with all the smoothness of a Costa Rican mountain road.
The entertainment we got from the whole retirement circus notwithstanding, we're happy Young decided to move on. It was the right thing to do and, Niner-haters or not, we don't like to see any player subject themselves to undue punishment. Unfortunately, Rice couldn't take a cue from Young and exit in a similar fashion, but that situation in itself should hold its own comedic value during the 2000 season. As for Steve, well, we'll examine his place in history in a different article, but as far as his retirement goes, we're just glad the whole production is over. We just hope it doesn't take him a comparable amount of time to decide which pair of shoes to put on each morning.
February 27, 2000 (NHS) -- Bill Walsh continues to try to live up to his fake image by turning the expected into the unexpected -- and that's not a good thing for the 49ers.
Walsh made the expected move of trading the #3 overall pick in this year's upcoming NFL draft to Washington, but surprisingly ended up with only four picks -- the Redskins' two first round picks plus their 4th and 5th rounders -- much less than what was being predicted and thought to be the market value. While the two choices in the first round were always a given, reports had the #3 pick going for at least 5 picks, including a 3rd rounder. Instead, Walsh settled for less -- and in the process added another reason to question the lucidity of the aging, so-called "genius".
Aside from the embarrassment of getting the short end of the trading stick, there's another twist to the story: the continuing friction between head coach Steve Mariucci and Walsh. "Earlier in the deliberations, (Mariucci) had told the Redskins it would take a third-round pick along with the two first-round selections to complete the trade," said the Washington Post.
So what happened to the 3rd round pick? By all accounts, it seems Walsh usurped whatever progress Mariucci was making and fumbled it away. The Post wrote, "According to people involved in the trade discussions, Mariucci was upset and told Walsh he had gotten too little out of the deal."
The final juicy tidbit to the debacle is the manner in which Mariucci was blind-sided by news of the trade. According to the San Jose Mercury, Mariucci ran into Washington's director of player personnel, Vinny Cerrato, in the lobby of a hotel in Indianapolis, at which time Cerrato blurted out, "The deal's done." Mariucci had no idea what he was talking about at first, but when informed, reportedly uttered that Walsh "gave it away!" The reaction must have been savored by Cerrato, a former 49er employee that left under less-than-cordial terms.
"It was a stunning and unnecessary display of a lack of communication and teamwork in the 49ers' front office," bemoaned the Mercury, "And it left Mariucci looking naive and humiliated."
As usual, Walsh denies any sort of conflict or misinformation behind the scenes and hit the media circuit attempting to spin the deal into a big victory for him personally and the 49ers. He is also trying to play the excuse card -- that given the circumstances, the 49ers weren't in a position to deal from strength and he got the best deal anyone could. And that the 49ers got what they need most: more picks, more warm bodies.
True, the franchise is handicapped by a bloated payroll, an aged roster, and a talent level good enough for a 4-12 finish last season. But it is also true that the #3 pick was the only thing going for it, and Walsh may have jumped the gun and flushed it down the toilet. There were five NFL teams with two first round picks and the draft is still a long way off, so the possibility of maneuvering for a better deal was clear. And this isn't just any #3 pick -- it is a pick almost certain to garner a franchise player.
Clearly a huge ingredient to this trade was Walsh's ego. As we know, he is obsessed with his public image, and a huge part of why people worship him is because of his supposed brilliance in handling draft picks in creative, unexpected ways. By eliminating Mariucci from the equation, he once again sent the message that this draft is his ball of wax and everyone better bow down and watch what clever moves "the genius" is going to make come draft day. The fact that he got taken for less than he should have got will be quietly swept under the rug.
Outright criticism of Walsh would never surface -- it is an unwritten rule that despite myriad blunders, Walsh must be treated with kid gloves in NFL circles -- but at least one NFC coach was willing to voice the obvious in the Mercury on condition of anonymity: "Why couldn't the 49ers have waited? You wait to get what you want."
The real question is why does a coach have to insist on anonymity in order to speak the truth? Walsh lacks the ability to get the 49ers what they want, so they take whatever scraps they can get.
February 24, 2000 (NHS) -- The most definitive statement to date of the depths into which the 49ers have sunk was issued Wednesday, when Rick Mirer was welcomed for a workout.
To recap Mirer's career, he came out of Notre Dame in 1993 dubbed as "the next Joe Montana" by Bill Walsh. That endorsement helped Mirer become the 2nd pick overall of the draft. After a decent rookie season, Mirer promptly became a complete bust -- yet another testament to Walsh's so-called "genius" in estimating talent. He was more of a factor in Seattle's "grunge" movement than anything on the football field. His latest accomplishment is failing in his chance to replace the Jets' Vinny Testeverde last year. In short, considering Rick Mirer for a job is the most pathetic, desperate act a football team could possibly consider.
If these circumstances were played out in any legitimate football city, the team and its management would be universally lambasted. But don't forget -- this is the Bay Area, where the media is devoted to kissing the asses of the 49ers and the fans have hopelessly fallen for the fake public image of Bill Walsh. Bob Fitzgerald, a KNBR radio host, summed up the position of many 49er fans: "Sign him right now! Bill Walsh could be just the tonic for Rick Mirer!"
Mirer agreed: "This offense and the people teaching it provide a quarterback with certain things that not everybody else has, and that's what I really want to get involved with."
Translation: there's a chance that this cheesy system can transform a weak-armed, boneheaded quarterback like me into a winner.
Guess the logic is that it worked for Joe Montana, so why not Mirer?
February 18, 2000 (NHS) -- How low is low? Well, the 49ers just completed their self-proclaimed #1 free agent signing, and would you believe it's Junior Bryant?
"It was our number one priority to keep Junior on this football team," said defensive coordinator Jim Mora Jr.
No, you're not the insane one. If you thought you would never see Junior in the same sentence as "number one", you're not alone. In the real world, the best one could ever say about him -- if you were in a really, really generous mood -- you could describe Bryant as "eternally mediocre".
Here's the facts: Bryant was undrafted out of college and spent two years as a practice squad player before the 49ers sent enough of their other players away, like Dana Stubblefield, so that Bryant could make the team. He is not good enough to play DE or DT, so the 49ers have plugged him into whichever spot has been left vacant by a departure of talent. His greatest accomplishment is off the field, going a couple years since his drunk driving arrest. He had a whopping 4.5 sacks last year.
And he's the 49ers' number one priority?
"He is the type of person and player that you want to build around." added Mora.
More like, he's the type of person you want to build an MADD meeting around. But don't think this fantasy is confined to Mora. Bill Walsh claimed, "Junior Bryant has developed into one of the premier defensive linemen in football."
So let's see: you got your Warren Sapp, Kevin Carter, Jevon Kearse -- and, oh yeah -- Junior Bryant. Can't forget to include him in the premier list if "the Genius" says so.
It's hard to fathom the ridiculousness of this stunt. Such a blatant attempt to spin the mediocre Bryant into something of worth should be taken as an insult by people of intellect. But once again, enter the 49er fans and their media -- no intellect, all gullible.
Bryant is "a top-notch defensive lineman," wrote Dennis Georgatos, in his Associated Press column, "The signing of Bryant signifies a new emphasis by the team on retaining its own marquee free agents. San Francisco also tendered a contract last week to tight end Greg Clark."
The interplay between the 49ers and the media continues to amaze. Serve up crap, swallow crap, package crap to public. Greg Clark and Junior Bryant being described as "marquee" free agents? "Top-notch"??
You would think that after a 4-12 season, the little pro-49er media bias act would have been put to rest, but apparently the media has an infatuation with the 49ers that goes beyond winning, and they are going to hold on as long as they can. No matter. The more 49er fans are duped into getting excited about their team, the more effective the truth is when it finally hits, and the more ridiculous the media -- and Walsh and the 49ers -- will look.
February 17, 2000 (NHS) -- There's nothing better than when 49er bed-buddies screw up and scurry like cockroaches in the public limelight to cover up a gaffe.
The latest controversy involves Steve Young's newly restructured contract. As part of the team's effort to meet the mandatory salary cap, Young signed a restructured contract that reduced his base salary and extended the length through 2003. Offsetting these reductions were a signing bonus and incentive clauses. The contract saves the 49ers $3 million in cap room this year.
Sure, the contract is a farce in and of itself. There's no chance the skull bone-challenged 38-year old will play another four years, but as we've come to learn, all the contract does is prolong the pain. The 49ers can pat themselves on the back for the cheesy maneuver to outwit the cap in the short term, but the piper will be paid down the road. When Young retires or earns his incentives, that money will hit that future cap with a vengeance -- the worst possible scenario for an aging team hoping to rebuild.
Back to the present, the 49ers accomplished their goal of mortgaging their future in order for their present cap needs -- or so we thought. Shortly after the restructuring, stories originated in Denver indicating that Mike Shanahan was interested in having Young join the Broncos, not via trade, but by acquisition. Sources held that Young's agent, the powerful Leigh Steinberg, had inserted a "termination clause" in the deal giving Young the power to up and void the contract at any time.
Sounds reasonable. Considering Young's lack of sound mind and body, you'd think any contract would have some sort of termination clause. Shanahan's interest sent reporters sniffing, and when contacted, Steinberg confirmed the termination clause.
Whoops.
That confirmation sent Bill Walsh and the 49ers into a tizzy, angrily denying the existence of the clause. No, Walsh wasn't concerned about losing Young, but on having his little salary cap game exposed and foiled. You see, if a termination clause was in the contract, it would render the time extension through 2003 as null -- after all, you can't really call it a four-year contract if it can be canceled at any time. The bottom line is that a termination clause would cause the opposite effect in Young's restructured contract -- the $3 million and more would instantly hit the 49ers' current cap figure -- putting the 49ers over the cap limit. Ergo, the denial.
"(A termination clause) never was submitted," Walsh told the San Jose Mercury, "(The NFL) would not approve that clause. They read through it and took it out."
So is Leigh Steinberg, respected superagent, just a big fat liar? Is he just an incompetent boob who doesn't even know what his client signed? Not quite. While the official status of the contract seems to imply Steinberg's idiocy, taking all the information, we can guess at what actually happened to cause this mess:
All in all, a hilarious situation for 49er-Haters. As you know, Steinberg is a big-time 49er ass-kisser. He is an alleged co-conspirator in schemes to illegally circumvent the NFL salary cap on the 49ers' behalf involving Brent Jones and Steve Young. He has been instrumental over the past 20 years in convincing free agents to sign with the 49ers, often for millions less than they could have received from other teams. Now, he is being publicly painted the fool by Walsh.
When all is said in done, the result is the same old 49er trick to escape the salary cap: a sham contract. Obviously the 49ers and Steinberg agreed to the termination clause under the table and what was submitted on paper does not represent the actual agreement. Can it be proven illegal? No. Is it cheesy? Of course. But what else do you expect?
The NFL is remarkably consistent in its stance when it comes to the 49ers. The NFL is perfectly willing to stick their heads in the sand and let the 49ers manipulate the truth, as long as it doesn't become a public black eye. This was one of those rare instances when the truth threatened to surface, and when that happens, there's nothing more satisfying than watching Walsh and the 49ers squirm.
After all the big talk about ending their traditional tactic of borrowing against the future, Bill Walsh and the 49ers proved once again you can never believe their hype. All last year Walsh criticized the practices of his predecessor, Carmen Policy, but when it came down to it, the 49ers ended up once again restructuring, not renegotiating, the contracts of 13 players -- even more than last year. It's the best of both worlds for 49er-Haters: not only is the core of last year's 4-12 team all coming back, but future payrolls will continue to suffer the effects for several more years.
The expected festival of follies in San Francisco began with
the release of Tim McDonald Wednesday. Even as Bill Walsh was
running into the arms of his comfy scapegoat, the salary cap,
poor old classy "T-Mac" left taking shots at 49ers management
claiming, "You guys know this is not a salary cap move."
The perennially overrated Lee Woodall was also unceremoniously
released.
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created: February 23, 2000
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