Midseason Report Card:

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what this table is screaming, which is the same exact thing we at the NHS have been saying for about 5 years now: every team the 49ers have beaten has been a mediocre to poor team. The only two times the 49ers played good competition, they lost.

As long as the competition remains a "C" or lower, the 49ers are world-beaters, but once it rises above a "B", the 49ers are a perfect 0-for. The Mercury News seems to understand this concept when they commented, "Not bad, but just good enough to lose against the league's top contenders."

Unfortunately, that quote was about Washington when giving the Redskins a "C".

For the 49ers, the Mercury said, "If quarterback Jeff Garcia leads them through brutal November stretch, don't be surprised if MVP talk heats up. Grade: B+"

So, if you're keeping score at home along with us, here's how it works: Washington can't beat the decent teams on their schedule so they get a "C". The 49ers also can't beat the decent teams on their schedule, but they get a "B+" -- and an MVP candidate.

Yes, the actual truth of the difference is that the "C" Redskins have gone 4-4 despite a schedule against five first-place teams in their first 8 games, whereas the "B+" 49ers' schedule has lucked out in typical fashion. Not only have they played only two teams rated better than a "C" (the two games they lost, of course), but they also caught two teams that were supposed to be tough, the Rams and Raiders, on four and three game losing streaks, respectively -- in other words, at the bottom of their games. Even so, they still needed OT to beat the Raiders and some lucky breaks and referee intervention to barely cheese wins against the Giants and Seahawks, the latter being among the absolute worst teams in the NFL.

The true 49ers' midseason grade? How about an "O", for "overrated".

Naturally, truth has nothing to do with the media and the 49ers. In addition to the Mercury News, ESPN floated a "B+" for the Niners as well, and the San Francisco Chronicle shocked everyone with only an "A-".

This was a shock because in case you haven't noticed, the Chronicle Bandwagon has gone ballistic ever since the 49ers beat the Raiders, so the "A++" was definitely expected. In the Monday-Friday (5 days) following the referee-aided OT win, the Chron has devoted headlines to smooching, in reverse-chronological order: Steve Mariucci, Fred Beasely, the J.J. Stokes v. Tai Streets drama, John Keith, Beasely again, Jim Mora, Keith again, Jose Cortez, the Kansas City Chiefs (since they always hype the 49ers' next opponent), the 49er fans that went to the Raiders game, Jackson again, Cortez again, Mariucci again, Garica, Garcia again, Owens, 49er fans again -- plus all the articles dealing with the 49ers' greatness in their "gritty, gutsy" win against the Raiders.

It's impossible to tell which of these myriad offerings deserves the Sycophant Award, but there were a couple stand-outs. First, the Terry Jackson article. Ok, so you don't know who this guy is, which is fine, because no legitimate NFL fan would know or care who the hell Terry Jackson is. But apparently according to the Chron he's "considered one of the NFL's best special-teams players"! Okay, once you've stopped laughing and want to take a look at Jackson to see if he's Just That Good, well, you can't. He's done for the year with a blown-out knee. So just call him "the best special teams player ever to not actually be playing" or something similar that Niner fans will understand.

The clincher, though, has to be "49ers Look Like Supermen" at http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/11/06/SP95568.DTL

Yes, it is the Official Declaration that the Bandwagon is back, because they have officially announced the 49ers are going to the Super Bowl. Most of the reasoning of this absolute crap seems to be based on the win against the Raiders, of course: "a quality win against a powder-keg of an opponent ... their finest, most complete, most composed, most confident performance of the year."

The next day the Chronicle gave the Raiders a mid-season report card grade as a "C".

Hopefully there are still some sane people left that are not completely brainwashed by the illogical media, and hopefully they won't agree that a "C" team is a "powder-keg opponent". For their unabashed smooching and lack of reason, we have no choice but to give the media a midseason grade of "F", reflecting their "fine, complete, composed, and confident smooching performance."