GLORY DAYS

Walsh Returns For Round Three

February 19, 1999 (NHS) -- Most of us who survived the 80's remember full well the immortal words of Bruce Springsteen: "Glory days ... well, they'll pass you by. Glory days ... in the wink of a young girl's eye."

While we hesitate to mention girls in connection with the 49ers (given Jerry Rice's penchant for young masseuses), this song preached a simple lesson. And given that this song enjoyed its success seemingly eons ago concurrent with the 49ers' run of success, we would think they as much as anyone would be familiar with that lesson: don't sit around trying to recapture by-gone days, because you'll end up old and pathetic.

Speaking of which, we now turn to Bill Walsh.

In the first clown-like move in what promises to be a circus of an offseason for the 49ers, the 49ers have once again brought Walsh back into the fold, turning "the Bay Area" giddy at the thought of having "The Genius" back in pro football. The news of Walsh assuming the position as General Manager for the 49ers received front page billing on the San Francisco Chronicle -- not front page sports, mind you -- but front page of the entire paper (entitled, "Genius Is Back"). We hate to burst the bubble of the masses out there that think Walsh can right the direction of this floundering franchise, but as usual, it looks like the mainstream media has once again shirked any modicum of professional objectivity and it will be the sole responsibility of the NHS to present the truth:

Bill Walsh is washed up, and -- news flash -- he was never all that to begin with.

Just check the track record since he left the 49ers back in the 1980's. A head coaching stint at Stanford. Can you say, "Ugly"? Before that he tried a shot at commentating. "Ugly" would be too generous of a description of that flop. Finally, there was his second time around with the 49ers in 1996, which ended so poorly less than a year later that it was assumed that it was his Farewell Tour. He failed in his lone task -- to revamp the 49ers offense -- and got Marc Trestman fired along the way (although Trestman's probably not feeling too bad after bringing Arizona to the playoffs). But even beyond being a simple failure in these endeavors, Walsh engaged in such outrageous blunders -- such as handing a copy of the 49ers' script of plays to a Green Bay fan before their game, or referring to Stanford quarterback Steve Stenstrom as "Joe" -- that many privately questioned if the old man had gone senile.

As if his eroding lack of ability in job performance isn't enough, there's also Bill Walsh, The Jerk to consider. This guy is one of the most arrogant asses on the planet. Mike Tyson gets along better with others. Walsh's smug narcissism is so abrasive that a patron in a Nevada casino decided to smack him in the mouth after Walsh waxed his usual self-aggrandizing prose (to wit: "Do you know who I am?")

In short, what the 49ers appear to be getting is a guy who carries a lot of negative baggage and has been ineffective in his last two coaching/administration roles. Yet the 49ers seem to think that a return to Glory Days is a perfect fit for a team that already looks like the game has passed them by. Their reasoning is further suspect when we note that, as with everything 49er, Walsh's glory days were overrated. As time marches on, more and more people are willing to join the NHS and risk an objective look at Walsh's legacy. It's becoming clear that rules changes, favorable circumstances (i.e., having no other choice but to throw short passes, given a weak-armed quarterback) and others behind-the-scenes were tantamount to the success of their style of offense.

Former Minnesota Vikings coach Bud Grant recently pointed out that Walsh "learned most of what he knew from Paul Brown. And he never gave Paul Brown any credit. Paul Brown was the greatest innovator in the coaching field that ever came along. But Walsh invented the game." (In case you didn't get it, that last sentence was bitter sarcasm.)

Grant, among others, believes the so-called "West Coast Offense" actually was invented in the Midwest. "You talk about the West Coast offense," Grant said, "When we had (Fran) Tarkenton here, that's exactly what we were doing -- short passing, dumping the ball to Foreman in the flat. Jerry Burns was doing that before Bill Walsh ever got in the business of doing it. Bill Walsh knew the value of having a PR department to put out his stuff. So your question is, does that bother me? No, it doesn't. It would bother me if it represented dollars or something. But it doesn't -- it represents ego. I could live with more dollars, but I can't live with more ego."

Even a member of his ever-loving media, Norman Chad, ripped on the concept of "The Genius" a while back, noting that in reality, even in his own era, Walsh played second fiddle to Washington's Joe Gibbs: "Gibbs (124-60) was slightly better than Walsh (92-59-1) in the regular season, slightly better in the postseason (17-5 to 10-4) and won just as many titles as Walsh ... So I don't understand how he's The Genius and everyone else is just a guy with a couple rings ... Walsh is credited with pretty much every innovation in football since the shoulder pad. I wouldn't be surprised to find out Walsh invented third down." (Yes, more sarcasm.)

When the layers of propaganda are peeled, what we're left with is a guy who wasn't the great innovator nor the Greatest Coach Ever/Genius that he portends to be. And there lies the secret to Walsh: his real skills have always been self-promotion and public relations.

True to these skills, in his first press conference beginning his three-peat with the 49ers organization, Walsh looked as if he hadn't missed a beat. He mentioned he will "work against the forces conspiring" against the 49ers, such as not having a 2nd round draft pick (yes, a mythical force of evil -- perhaps Darth Vader? -- was the cause of losing that draft pick, not coach Steve Mariucci's blunder of trading it away for a headcase offensive lineman.). No matter what happens, it's clear Walsh will be a team player in the spin department.

However, he may have committed a serious gaffe during this press conference by proudly admitting that Eddie DeBartolo was the person that hired him. Chalk one up for the senility argument (maybe Walsh forgot the NFL and 49ers have been presenting the ruse that the convicted felon is supposedly presently banned from making ownership decisions) or the arrogance department (he knows the NFL would never do anything to the 49ers, such as take action on Eddie's illegal involvement with the team, now that the great Walsh is back), because that confession has already prompted a stiff rebuke from NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue and may lead to an extension of DeBartolo's ban.

Obviously, the romantic image of Walsh as "The Genius" during the 1980's was the only factor the 49ers deemed relevant when considering his return. Perhaps it isn't their fault; in the cozy confines of "the Bay Area", all 49er fans have left is their obsessive dwelling on the long-lost decade. This fixation is one of the more comical attractions for 49er-haters everywhere and is contributing to the image of the 49ers as a laughingstock franchise.

Like one bad Rocky movie too many, it seems Bill Walsh, The Sequel will return again and again, when it's painfully clear Walsh should have been buried in the 80's with Duran Duran. Perhaps the Minnesota Star-Tribune summed it up best: "Bill Walsh continues to make a lifelong career out of once having been Bill Walsh."

But how long can the 49ers continue to make a living off of Glory Days?

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