SELLING THEIR SOULS

Policy, politicos entertained by sodomy and sadomasochism at 49er consultant's party

Finally, after years of scratching our heads and trying to figure out why the 49ers have been so successful for the last decade and a half, we seem to have our answer, practically gift-wrapped by the brass at Niner Central.

It seems they made a deal with the Devil himself.

No, we're not talking about Jack Davis, we're talking about the real thing here. The Big Man Downstairs, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness, Scott Baio -- whatever you want to call him, it is now looking like he is the main reason the 49ers keep winning year after year after year. Jack Davis is merely pushing things along.

Who is Jack Davis, you ask? Well, in case you hadn't heard, the latest flap coming out of the Bay Area involves the recent birthday party thrown for Davis, a highly-touted 49er political consultant. Extremely instrumental in the last two San Francisco mayoral elections as well as the Giants' recent successful push to build a new ballpark in China Basin, Davis has been retained by the 49ers as they head towards a June 3rd date with the voting public to decide whether or not the Niners will get their coveted new stadium/mall built.

Davis, it seems, has a lot of influence in the political arena, as well as a knack for positive spin and propaganda. However, even his own considerable media skills are of little use when faced with the latest controversy surrounding the 49ers: Davis' own fiftieth birthday bash.

Thrown by friends who admittedly have no connection to the 49ers, Davis' party nonetheless was attended by 49er GM Carmen Policy and his wife, as well as many San Francisco politicians, including Mayor Willie Brown, the man Davis helped into office. While the party (held on Saturday, May 3rd) started out innocently enough, marked by the usual drinking and socializing, apparently the proceedings became a little bit stranger later in the evening. By then, many of the politicians, including Brown, had come and gone, but Policy, his wife, and Davis were still around to enjoy the show.

The fun stuff got underway with some standard striptease acts by both males and females. Fine, nothing too out-of-the-ordinary, considering that Davis has quite an established reputation as a wild partygoer. But then the stripping somehow evolved into bona fide sexual acts, as (parents, time to hide your kids!) one 300-plus pound sadomasochistic stripper performed oral sex on another in front of the partygoers. The icing on the cake for this fabulous show was the final performance, where a female proceeded to carve a Satanic symbol into the back of a male, before urinating on him and finally sodomizing with a Jack Daniels bottle.

Yes, folks, that's entertainment! Kind of puts "Pin the tail on the donkey" to shame, doesn't it?

Now, it is not up to us here at the NHS to question the entertainment value of such acts -- obviously that is a personal opinion left to each and every one of us. However, it is our place to question the intelligence of being involved with or even associated with a display that many would in fact find completely disgusting, especially when you are also connected with an NFL team that is trying hard to convince the undecided public that they should spend their tax dollars on a brand new football stadium. While Davis has no executive position with the 49ers -- he is employed only as a "political consultant", remember -- both he and Policy have been and will continue to be in the public eye quite a bit, as they try to sway the voters into building the Niners a new palace.

One of the more surprising aspects of this incident is the reaction by the San Francisco media. Both the Chronicle and Examiner have run front-page stories detailing the debauchery at Davis' party, and incredibly, neither paper made the slightest attempt to downplay or put a positive spin on the idiocy of the whole fiasco. Rather, both papers took pains to ridicule Davis, the politicians, and even Policy for their part in the debacle. The Chronicle even made a mocking statement about how the party didn't really jibe with the "family values" of the 49ers. Of course, none of us really know what Carmen Policy's family life is like. Regardless, for one of the first times, the NHS has to congratulate the local S.F. papers for taking an objective look at a 49er-related matter.

The situation provided more hilarity -- and insight -- on Thurday the 8th, when the Chronicle managed to catch up with the man and woman responsible for the whole Devil symbol/urination/whiskey-bottle-where-the-sun-don't-shine bit. Turns out that the man is an ordained priest in the Church of Satan; maybe the pentagram etched on his back gave this fact away. The significance of having a Satanist perform at the party of the 49ers' political consultant remains to be seen, but it does call into question the choices the Niners make regarding with whom they associate. Of course, if the Satan connection is deliberate, it sure would answer a lot of questions, wouldn't it? Maybe the Niners have been associating with Satanists since, say, 1981? Now we know who REALLY was behind all those late comebacks, lucky bounces, and horrible officiating calls.

Assuming the Niner brass has nothing to do with the Church of Satan, however, they still got caught with their pants down (figuratively, if not literally). In all fairness, having done some rudimentary research on the issue, we can see that although Policy and Davis were present at the party, the 49ers were in no way responsible for what took place there. Given the general public's usually-flimsy pursuit of the real story, combined with the negative press the 49ers have received in the local papers regarding this issue, however, it is clear if the Average Joe makes only the base connection of the "49ers" with "sexual depravity", the fallout could ultimately cost the Niners their coveted new complex.

Of course, we won't know for another month or so what the true effect of this incident will have been. For now, the Niners and Davis have gone into damage-control mode. The Niners, rightfully, have denied any link to the proceedings at the party. Davis has merely said that it was a private party, and what happened there is nobody's business. To that end, Davis' representatives have pleaded with those present at the shindig to not release any pictures they may have taken to the media. So far, everyone has complied with Davis, and given the lack of evidence, now the media is scrambling to find a new angle on the story. Rest assured, though, that with the 49er PR Machine working overtime, the topic will fade into obscurity in the coming weeks as the principles try to refocus on the real issue: the new stadium.

As for right now, it is definitely a time for Niner-Haters to sit back and enjoy the show -- no, not the sadomasochism and sodomy, but the sight of Davis and Policy feeling the heat for such outlandish displays. And while we're on the subject, Davis had better hope that having a Satanist perform at his party doesn't hold any deeper significance, because if it does, after all is said and done, he may *really* be feeling the heat.

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